Despite Night Templar’s assurances that Voso was the next priority on our list, he wasn’t particularly forthcoming regarding details on what we might be able to expect. I wasn’t sure if he was distracted by something, thought the matter a trivial operation, or what, but about all the detail I got was that Voso resided in one of the levels of Hell. What I knew of Hell suggested the place was likely to be unpleasant for someone of my physiology to stay in for long considering the depictions of lava, fire, and whatnot. That probably meant it was wise for me to swap out reliquaries to better protect against such an environment then.
The others made their own arcane preparations that looked to be based on some sort of insider knowledge of the cultural background involved. None of them seemed particularly inclined to give insight to their preparations either since they all seemed to presume Night Templar had all this under control. Not particularly satisfied with this, I elected to search for my own intel on what lay ahead. For that I saw four potential sources: the Terran internet, Terran mages, those angel creatures, and other demons.
What little experience I had with the Terran internet has led me to believe the whole thing a mass of rumor, hearsay, and misinformation paraded around as fact. Some of it might well be true, but that required far too much knowledge of Terran culture and society to readily sort through in any effective manner. Earth’s mages seemed to present related issues given how specialized most of them were, Boreas in particular wasn’t able to tell me much beyond the basic synopsis I had gotten from Night Templar already. Nor did I really have any contacts amongst the “angelic” community to speak with. However, I did know one demon that I could bargain with for information: Belial.
I briefly considered simply calling Belial, but decided it was better to see him in person just so I could get a better sense of his body language and whatnot when negotiating. Not that I was entirely clear on how demonic body language worked, but it had to amount to something. I announced my intentions and was rather surprised when Amoebro, Captain Mayhem, and Mini-Max all decided to join me.
Oh well, I guess they can be backup in case Belial attempts to pull something.
It didn’t take long to fly across the city to the appropriate neighborhood and house. Walking up to the front door and ringing the doorbell swiftly resulted in the door opening to reveal a massive onrushing fireball full of screaming skeleton warriors wielding swords. I could only presume this was yet another one of the minor demons trying to be impressive via illusions. Not really in the mood to play these games, I simply stood there and gave my best vaguely bored and disapproving look as the “fireball” collided with us.
That was followed by a fearsome rush of hot air that would have been strong enough to knock an unshielded normal human back. Small fires started smoldering in the surrounding brush and lawn too. That wave of heat was REALLY uncomfortable to deal with although thankfully a cool breeze followed through behind the blast. The fireball itself then suddenly collapsed into a “small” and scrawny demon that looked vaguely like a Terran child for whatever reason.
(Demon) Oh, you bunch. I thought it was the homeowner’s association again….
(Captain Mayhem) Does the homeowner’s association often summon you? Wow, man. Montreal suburbanites are fraggin hardcore!
(Demon) They keep complaining about the hole YOU people blew in the yard and filled with whatever-it-is….
So apparently demons cannot managed to fill a hole with dirt….
(Samhain) Is Belial available? I have an opportunity to discuss with him.
(Demon) Eh, probably in a minute or two. I’ll check. Now…. Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here!
(Mini-Max) Why? I like Hope. She’s cute. She plays with my daughter all the time.
(Demon) Hmph, everyone thinks he’s a comedian.
(Mini-Max) Well, I’m not everyone, but I’m a decent portion of them!
Yet another joke (probably a pun) that went over my head….
We were then ushered into the house. Belial was in the library and it looked like he had added one of those things Terrans call computers to the room since last time we were here. Belial himself was sporting a business suit and had something in his mouth which was slowly burning and fuming up the entire room with acrid smoke.
(Belial) And what do you need?
(Samhain) I am in the market for a guide. A certain demon has arisen my ire and I wondered if you might be in the mood to make a deal?
(Belial) Pretty much by definition. Who is it?
(Samhain) I believe Night Templar called him Voso.
(Belial) Ah, the Lord of Spam these days.
I had no clue what on Earth canned mystery meat had to do with kidnapping children and wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. You would think the Terrans would have the good sense to sell the stuff if there was a connection.
(Belial) Still, not a bad demon to call on if you need a familiar of something. What’s he done?
Wait, familiars too now? Suddenly I found myself really not wanting to try ANY of that canned meat. Or any other Terran meat product ever again for that matter.
(Samhain) Well, for starters, he attempted to recruit my daughter.
(Belial) Well, that IS more or less what he does! I presume that she didn’t fall for it… Really, to fall for HIM you need a remarkable magical talent and an even more remarkable lack of brains! Says something about humans that it’s not too uncommon! I take it you want to do the protective parent thing and punch him in the nose?
(Samhain) Indeed, the father and idealist in me wishes to make my displeasure known to Voso. How things progress from there depends on how disagreeable Voso is and what opportunities arise for us.
(Belial) Well, a guide to the realms of the Ars Geotica is fairly straightforward. Not something I can pull through to here of course, but I suppose I can give you an introduction! And what are you offering?
(Samhain, turning to the others) Do any of you have some good ideas on an offering?
(Mini-Max) I have cash!
(Amoebro) Cuban cigar!
(Mini-Max) Boom-box blasting out gospel music? Perhaps tickets to a show?
(Samhain) Do demons even care about such things as money and cigars here? Even when on the material plane?
(Belial) Hmph! I’ll let you have that one for free! (at which point he conjured up another one of those noxious burning paper things and blew smoke into Mini-Max’s face) It’s NO! We want services, souls, publicity, and a good web page designer!
(Mini-Max) Oh, well, you’re out of luck there. I don’t think a good web page designer would work for a demon. Now, an evil one might.
At least that was a pun I could understand.
(Belial) I’ll settle for evil webpage design….
Suddenly I found myself considering organizing a giant tournament of the various imaginal entities with the winner getting publicity on top of whatever attention they earned during the competition. It might well help settle the various rivalries of the Terran imaginal realms. Whether or not the final outcome of that would be helpful in the end was another matter, but the devastation stood a chance of being restrained to the arena in that scenario at least.
(Mini-Max) Perhaps, but I am rather opposed to the idea of aiding evil. Particularly if I plan to be able to use my holy sword, bolts, or aura later on.
(Samhain) Consider this a minor accommodation to make in exchange for helping a lot of children. I’m of the opinion that anyone knowingly going to blatant demon’s website and signing up for a contract is going to be doing nasty stuff anyway whereas the children Voso is entrapping are not so likely to be as such. And this way, the authorities should be able to monitor who is going to the webpage. Sometimes in law enforcement, you have to make compromises on the smaller charges in order to get the really big busts.
Now I will be the first to admit disputing where exactly that line belonged with my superiors. I was not keen on the tolerance shown for some smugglers and so-called “white” necromancers in exchange for their assistance in dealing with other matters. I was fine with commuting sentences and offering leniency in exchange for aid in getting larger targets though. Belial I was willing to justify because all “transactions” were bound by contract and that apparently meant a lot more to imaginal beings than material beings.
Still, Mini-Max would have none of it. Captain Mayhem proved more agreeable to the idea at least (although I wasn’t sure that meant it was an endorsement of my plan, nor that I wanted it to be). Captain Mayhem went to work on that and in exchange Belial provided means to contact someone named Orabus, the Equine Prince. With the arrangements made, we returned to Silverhold where Night Templar had prepared that car of his for the trip into the infernal planes.
Loading up into the car, we promptly made a dimensional transition to a realm that did not meet my expectations at all. Instead of the place being inundated with massive amounts of volcanic activity, the area was instead filled with green pastures, a rather primitive dirt roadway, and some trees in the distance. It was, however, uncomfortably warm to my tastes. We all stepped out of the car to survey the area.
Immediately apparent was the fact that Night Templar and his vehicle vanished as soon as we were offloaded. Armageddon hadn’t joined us on this mission either. That meant of the six of our major members, we were down to four and only Mini-Max could be considered a local to Earth’s culture. Already I could sense a feeling of ill-ease growing in me regarding the wisdom of this venture….
Still, best to at least go forth and collect intel before committing to either staying and fighting or leaving. The ritual to call forth Orabus was straightforward enough as it summoned forth a creature at least superficially similar to the riding “animals” the fae had provided us when we dealt with Malwyn. This one even seemed to share the same generally sour disposition as those creatures as it asked for which of us would be the one to ride it. Having next to no experience with riding such things, I certainly wasn’t about to volunteer for it.
At least one of the others volunteered for it eventually after way too much debate.
With that, Orabus led us along a worn trail (I suppose one might have called it a road) that finally brought us to a rather primitive looking town. The buildings were seemingly mad of wood, stone, mud, and straw with bits of metal and brick thrown in various places. Rather inhuman looking creatures were manning shop stalls and plying wares screams of those being tortured could be heard in the background.
Much as those anguished pains tore at me, I had to remind myself that this was one of the Earth’s afterlives and thereby all those here were quite thoroughly dead by my standards. Best to leave them be to ascend to the higher levels of the afterlife and not interfere with it all. Especially since our focus really needs to be on confronting Voso and seeing what we could do about hmi.
Unfortunately the others had their own ideas about how to proceed. Amoebro ran off to peruse the stalls. Mini-Max was busily arguing with shopkeepers regarding legalities I suspect had no claim here. And Captain Mayhem suddenly announced his intention to free those crying out for help around him. Why he suddenly chooses now to display such an altruistic streak was difficult to fathom, especially after his rather excessive gloating about theft, property damage, disrespect for the law and authority, self-poisoning habits, and numerous other crimes that all suggested he possessed a less than dubious character.
Nonetheless, this was creating quite a pointless scene as he, Mini-Max, and one of the shopkeepers (I think this one was selling meat) were arguing labor rights of all things. Their discussions about unions, wage laws, worker rights, and whatnot became hard to follow quickly although it pointed to some rather difficult times for workers at some point in Earth’s past if the laws and their supposed goals were any indication. This is why I feel the collectively owned guilds back home make better sense for a number of reasons.
Of course none of this even began to touch on the topic that we were in a meat shop and there was ample evidence of how such food was processed laying about. The video that suddenly got thrown up (why, I did not understand) neatly illustrated how it was all done was quite enough to make me nauseous. The Terran obsession with meat continues to confound me. At most my people tend to use it as a side delicacy for major celebrations and festivities whereas the Terrans seem upset when the main entree in every meal isn’t a slab of meat. What’s wrong with fruits, vegetables, nuts, and various types of mushrooms?
It took considerable effort to pry Captain Mayhem and Mini-Max from this innane and ultimately pointless debate. Amoebro I found had purchased a “toy” that seemed to be possessed by a tormented spirit. My initial assessment of the device suggested that the only “easy” way to break the seal on that was going to be completing the toy’s game to completion. There may be a way to brute force it, but for now I am going to have to put such a project on the backburner considering where we are at the moment. I really do not envy Night Templar or Armageddon in their role of leading this band of misfits.
Eventually I managed to herd them towards the main fortress (castle?, citadel?) that according to Orabus was Voso’s primary residence. The guards at the front gate were making a show of being intimidating and telling us all sorts of warnings regarding what awaited us inside, but I’ve already learned that so often this sort of thing is pure bluster here in the Imaginal Realms as the others paid it no heed and strode forth.
Inside we were eventually shown into a large throne room. In place of a throne however was a mat of pillows with a giant cat creature lounging on top and a large number of children/teens attending to it. Either the cat was Voso or a really elaborate pet of some sort. The children all looked to be Terran in origin, however they were showing significant signs of having been imbued with demonic energies. The exact nature of the abilities that energy granted weren’t so easy to discern though. The cat suddenly speaking put the exotic pet theory to rest at least.
The cat, now obviously Voso, demanded to know why we were here and what we wanted. While the others offered their own replies, I asserted my displeasure with the efforts to recruit my daughter into this demonic enslavement scheme of his. I wasn’t particularly happy with his efforts to recruit other children in this scheme, but I wasn’t going to push the issue until I had a better assessment of the situation we were facing. Voso then “helpfully” directed me to the opt-out form printed on the back of the book he had sent Caera. As the others took up the argument regarding his recruitment of other children, I called up a scanned copy of the book to have a look at said opt-out form.
Terran legal theory was not something I had a firm grasp on, nor did the various jurisdictions defining things in seemingly every way imaginable (and some that weren’t) wasn’t helping either. Add on top of that the issue that I was not a native speaker of any of these languages the locals used. While the thing claimed to be an opt-out form, the sheer dense legalese in which it said it could have meant anything and everything.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t see anything obvious that potentially jeopardized Caera if I signed this. Whether or not this potentially brought me into some sort of a compromised position was harder to tell, but then I was going to be harder to take advantage of then a small child. Speaking of which, while I estimated that dealing with Voso was likely to be difficult to deal with based on the energies swirling about him, the real danger likely lay with all these children milling about the place. All of them have obviously been enhanced in one form or another and thus potentially had sufficient abilities to present significant problems. Obviously it would be best if they were removed from the battlefield before hostilities commenced, but how to accomplish this was not entirely clear.
Voso would be watching for such an attempt if he wasn’t incredibly stupid. That meant whatever we did had to be instant and decisive. A teleport spell against so many targets was probably unfeasible, and I doubted my ability to hold them with a paralysis spell. Reshaping the room to isolate them from us had potential though and was the same tactic I had been considering against Darvain as well. Hmm, since it was possible summon forth a magical construct and imbue it with temporary life, I wonder if I could do something a little more elaborate and simply summon forth a fortress or bunker around Voso and the rest of us while leaving most of the children outside? Set up the right wards in and around it and that may well tip the battle in our favor.
Unfortunately, my efforts to work through the calculations in my head were interrupted as Mini-Max took a swing at Voso with all of his strength. While I was half-expecting his attack to be blocked by some sort of defense, I was not prepared for the sight of one of the children suddenly appearing in the path of the attack and exploding into bits from the shear force of impact. Needless to say, both Amoebro and I were shocked as well by this. Captain Mayhem was nowhere to be seen however. Needless to say, this is when all parties began exchanging fire rapidly. I ducked behind a column for a moment to break line of sight.
Just what sort of ability was that?! I could have sworn that kid was nowhere near close enough to intervene like that!
(Samhain) Love Divine, I am going an instant replay of that last attack against Voso and the subsequent defense!
(Love Divine) Already in process, defense appears to be a linked temporal spell that allows those bound by Voso to travel back in his timeline and retroactively take attacks for him.
To drive home this point, Love Divine began displaying all sorts of calculations and diagrams illustrating the effect in general. Great, just how in the Void are we supposed to handle THAT?! Simply hammering at Voso was bound to kill most everyone here until he ran out of children to use as shields. Blocking temporal effects also presented a host of causality issues too that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. Still, simply from the looks of the effect, it still looked like the children needed a valid path in order to reach Voso. Ergo, if I can block all paths from them to Voso, I might be able to prevent them from doing that again.
I really wanted more time to study this all, but Mini-Max had to go in swinging without thinking!
Unfortunately, my attempts to try to program a spell to handle this situation were interrupted when Mini-Max fired off some sort of lightning attack. The shock and pain from that caused me to stumble out from behind my hiding place whereupon the children all began firing binding spells at me. The first few missed, but the sheer swarm of them all quickly overwhelmed me and bound me into place inside a shell of whatever this substance was. Now I was thoroughly stuck. My strength was not enough to break me free of this and I could move my hands to make the necessary gestures for spell casting. And since this stuff attached to the floor, it wasn’t like I could even use flight under these circumstances.
I’m not sure how I am going to get out of this….
As I began considering increasingly desperate ways to break free or escape, a second wave of lightning hit me and knocked me out cold. When I finally came to again (with a pounding headache no less), I found Amoebro “chipping” me free as Mini-Max and Voso argued over something. Finally Amoebro managed to get one of my arms free, allowing me a chance to cast a spell. With that it proved a simple enough matter to break the rest of the shell holding me. After that was the healing process as I undid all the damage my own teammate had done to me. That gave me the opportunity to listen in on the conversation between Mini-Max and Voso.
It seemed that Mini-Max was demanding the release of all the children while Voso was demanding some sort of compensation in return. Asking what Voso was willing to trade in exchange for the children got us quite a list: secrets, strange machines, new alchemical preparations, magical favors, mystic true names, dealing with his enemies, and more children. I wasn’t about to had this demon more children to enslave and was hesitant to help him with his enemies. I had no idea was a mystical true name was either and could only assume it was some Terran superstition that managed to imprint itself on the Imaginal Realms. Magical favors ran into the same issues that helping Voso with his enemies did. New and strange machines and alchemical preparations were another hard one. He probably meant more stuff from the Terran imagination of how things ought to work as opposed to anything I could offer. Besides, it probably wasn’t wise to be teaching this monster advanced magical theory anyway.
That left secrets. Further questioning along that line revealed that the secret merely had to be something not commonly known to most of humanity. Since I could only imagine that was referring to Terrans, that meant I potentially had something to bargain with. Simply telling him bits of my world’s history may well suffice, but a better bet was to simply feed him sanitized “secrets” from the information we were receiving from the Arith Vaya. It was worth a shot at least.
(Samhain) Have you heard of Saturn if I may ask?
(Voso) What, the god? You have secrets from him of all people?
Alright, that caught me by surprise. I thought Saturn was the name of the sixth planet in this system. Or is this another one of those weird things where the same name is applied to multiple completely unrelated things again? Sigh, best to muddle through the language barrier as best I can.
(Love Divine) Sir, I wish to remind you that continuing this line of discussion may be unwise in revealing our sources.
I was annoyed at the interruption at first, but quickly saw that Love Divine was correct. Best not to mention much more about Saturn and the Arith Vaya at this time even though so much of that is supposed to be public knowledge on this world. This headache was not doing wonders for my ability to think clearly however and spells weren’t helping much. Mini-Max interrupting the conversation to exclaim how evil Voso was wasn’t helping either.
Needless to say, the beginnings of a deal were hammered out. The contract wasn’t especially easy to write since I was getting a little paranoid about the wording of it as I hunted for potential loopholes. The fact this wasn’t in my native language was not helping AT ALL! I toyed with the idea of simply writing it up in my native tongue and then asking him to sign it, but figured he wasn’t about to go for that. Still, eventually I found a contract that I was not seeing any glaring loopholes in anymore and got Voso to agree to it. In exchange for secrets we sanitized from the Arith Vaya, Voso would sending us children he had bound into our service. That meant they would then be bound into our (actually my) service, but that was a problem for another day. I may simply make Night Templar and the Canadian government handle them.
(Voso) They do make nice familiars if you find yourself in need of one.
(Samhain) I think I prefer the tried and proven methods of creating familiars myself.
(Voso) Well, this IS the tried and proven method!
(Samhain) Uh-huh….
By that logic, so was the use of flint. It only seemed like the superior option because these people had so little understanding of what exactly it was they were doing. Oh well, best to leave Voso pondering what I meant by that and return to my own business. Part of me wondered if this operation might have gone better with the full assistance of Night Templar, Armageddon, and Captain Mayhem or if they would have only made things worse. One thing was certain though, I needed to have words with Night Templar about sending us into a demon’s realm with little to no intel on what to expect ahead of us.
I may even have Amoebro hammer home the point with a bath in holy water.
Creative Nonsense 
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